Sometimes you are the only shadow standing in your own sunshine.
That was said by one of my favorite chefs on Top Chef.
Isn't it true?
How often do we let the worries and doubts seep into our mind and ruin a perfectly beautiful day?
OK, I have been on a purge in my home, I have been getting rid of all the nonessential items I do not need. While on my purge, a thought started in my mind.... what if I purged every area of my life.
So I started going through my mind and I really made a serious list of what I could really do without.
Could I live without lights on in the house at night?
Could I turn the heat down to 72 degree's and still be warm and comfortable?
One warmer days, maybe I could just turn off the heat....
What if I started using better toilet paper...would our usage drop? It did!
What if, instead of renting movies I bought Netflix, and watched what was on there?
Then, I realized that I didn't need to go to town more than once a week.
I didn't need to eat out every Thursday.
I didn't need to use so much gas if I could get all my groceries in one go.
So, now I play the game of how cheap can I really be....
My gas bill for last month through the huge snow storm, was only $123.58 and it was warm in our house. I just made sure to keep the doors shut and utilize the sunshine through the day in the east facing windows in the dining room.
My Electric bill is ridiculously small.. $68.00
Water bill is down to $82.00 that includes sewer and trash with recycling.
We put our trash out every other week.
I compost all my kitchen scrap.
I do not waste food. ( that sadly did not happen this week, I threw out way too much food to the compost heap.)
I had a friend that was all doom and gloom and in constant competition with some invisible person. She would try and one up you any time she could.
She was my best friend for the last 10 years..
I wanted to get a boat, she bought a boat. I couldn't afford one. Still can't.
I wanted to get my husband a motorcycle, she went out and bought her husband one. He doesn't ride. I decided against one after my friends husband was killed one night on his way home.
I needed new floors in my old 1890 colonial house. She bought new floors for her new house.
I am happy and a glass half full. She was a no glass, no water, type.
We are no longer friends. I could not handle the day to day of drama and negativity. I am not sorry for it, but I do wish I had never started the friendship.
My uncle is an alcoholic and abusive. He is no longer in my life.
My father is a manipulator. He is married and uses women like I use bath towels. He is no longer in my life.
Last year was a hard year for me. I was very negative and I know I was not living to my potential. I was allowing outside influences to put me in a foul mood.
So I cleared out my mind, removed the bad and started cleaning up all the good that I had been neglecting.
I rekindled all my friendships that have stood by me.
I tell my husband that I love him at least 12 times a day whether he deserves it or not, because he love me, no matter what.
I listen to my older daughter talk about everything, because she is important and needs someone to listen to her.
I tell my youngest daughter not to be so stern, and see the happy in each day. She sulks away, but she is smiling more and has rekindled all of her friends from elementary and middle school, she has also let go of the friends that were bringing her down and making her feel less than who she was.
I adopted an orphan cat last year. She is cranky, but we love her so, she is taking time mellowing out.
This year we adopted another cat who was dumped at my vet by a woman who wanted to put him to sleep because she no longer wanted him.
Can you imagine being taken somewhere to be put to sleep because someone didn't have the time to invest in you? He is annoying and arrogant, but he is mine and I love him.
I named him Loki. The God of Mischief.
Sometimes I think back to when I was younger. It seems I was never unhappy.
I like to think I can be that way again.
XO,
Brandi
